The Girl in the Mirror

The girl in the mirror has never been my friend. I was a fat kid and no one ever let me forget that fact, jabbing and tugging at my flab like it was a game, poking fun at my weight and attitude, day by day shoving me further into insecurity until I felt there was no point in trying to escape. I became a self hating creature, claiming I was comfortable with myself while keeping eyes averted from my reflection. Its easier to lie when you can't see the blobbity thing with accusing eyes, that poor skinny girl hating the fatsuit that carries her around.

People tell me constantly that I look good, that I carry my weight well, that I'm proportionate so it doesn't matter. What they mean is that I have a huge rack, so most people never really look at my wobbly midsection. I hate you when you tell me I look fine the way I am, because in my head what you're really saying is "I like that you're fat." Accept this truth, I am overweight. According to the BMI charts I'm well into the category of obesity. Yes, I'm tall and well endowed, that doesn't change the fact that the "ideal" weight for my height is almost a hundred pounds less than I weigh now.

Please don't say polite things intended to talk me out of getting into better shape. To be frank, where it concerns insecurities the opinion of others is pretty much irrelevant. I have no intention of becoming a stick figure or a barbie doll. I want to drop 50 pounds, to be at a healthy weight, to fit into nicer clothes. Most importantly, I want to make friends with that girl in the mirror. I am going to do this... and if you can't be supportive, just get out of the way.