Motivation: This beautiful coat and other clothes that I'd love to fit into!

I have been pining after this coat for well over a year now, but at the time it was on sale for only $100 I couldn't justify the expense on something that only goes up to XL and thus may not fit... especially now that the price is back up to $198 and hasn't gone back on sale. I've told myself I could look into their exchange policies and make sure that I can trade it for something else if it doesn't fit, but I don't think anything on the site goes above XL. I tried telling myself that I should check the return policy, find out whether they might be willing to refund the coat if I can't get into it... But the chance of the coat not fitting gangs up with the cost and I haven't been able to justify the risk.

I want the coat, I don't think I have words to explain how much I want this particular coat, this exact design, or even why it calls to me so strongly. Yes, I want a jacket that actually gives me a shape, rather than some shapeless gunnysack of a coat that more often than not makes me look twice as large as I already am...

The BF and I have been back and forth about this coat, him trying to convince me that I should go for it, using all the arguments about exchange and refund that I've tried on myself already, but I just haven't been able to face the potential disappointment of pulling this beautiful thing out of the box and not being able to get into it. Its a disappointment I'm used to with my more than ample bust, but a devastating one when I'm as attached to the idea of something as I am to this. I've had myself convinced that the fantasy of the coat is more satisfying than the potential risk of bursting my shiny bubble...

However, the coat haunts me... I lust for this coat more than I can rightly recall having lusted after any human being, especially for such an extended period of time. Crushes, infatuation, certainly.. but this full on craving, this insatiable desire to find out whether it could work out... for over a year? No, not that I can recall, not even in my youthful Jonathan Brandis obsession ;)

So I will cave, but I will do it for a damn good reason. This coat is going to be my reward for slimming down enough to fit into it, buttons closed with no gaps! This coat will be the first step toward a beautiful new wardrobe that will eventually replace the majority of my current collection of t-shirt and jeans. Each reward will be accompanied by throwing out (or donating) an item from my fat clothes collection.