thud

Energy reserves are running close to empty... in part because its a rainy day and I really just want to be curled up in a blanket (or my obnoxious pink snuggie) and wait for the storm to crash down. Mostly because I'm exhausted, over worked (in the sense of constantly having to be on the go, rather than working too much at my job), and only get 4-5 hours sleep a night.

In the evening I can't find the energy to do much more than sit on the couch and try not to fall asleep until after dinner. So I play with the wii, watch tv a bit, look at the emails that I still need to respond to from almost a month ago... flitting from one thing to the next with a complete lack of focus. In my head I write lists of the things I need to be working on but it just makes me want to cry because I don't know where to find the time without giving up more sleep, or filling up my weeknights to the point that I don't stop moving until bedtime.

And somehow, with an overflowing social calendar, housework/etc type responsibilities, a full time job, wanting to do nanowrimo this year, and a boyfriend who doesn't know seem to know how to relax (I've been joking about slipping tranquilizers into his food so that I can stay home for the night)... I need to find time to start going to the gym. Its overwhelming... I just want to chuck it all and curl up in a dark closet for a bit just to get some quality alone time.

Since thats not an option, I'm just going to have to learn how to say "Sorry, but if you really want to go out you'll have to go alone this time" Which I put into practice for the first time today, as we're supposed to meet his friends at Red Lobster for endless something-or-other and I just don't trust myself to eat there.

Also, I desperately need to start getting to bed earlier. Every day I say I'll be in bed by 10, which turns into "Just one more episode of How I Met Your Mother" or some other tv show that comes on just as I'm about to get up.. or the bf and I curl up in bed and end up talking until well after midnight.. or something else comes up to prevent me from getting to bed (That friend I haven't seen online in at least a year who just happens to sign in as I'm about to shut down the laptop, that email I just need to answer, the blog I'm "almost" finished writing...) So I'm going to start trying to get to bed by 9, and if that doesn't work, I'll try to be in bed with a book by 8...

I'm hoping that clearing a couple of items out of the social calendar, keeping up with housework (do dishes every night after dinner instead of letting it pile up, etc)... and getting to bed earlier will help.

And maybe this headache I've had for the last couple of weeks will go away once I start getting more rest. Maybe I'll be able to focus on things again. I'm also hoping that getting rid of the headaches will cure the near constant nausea that comes with them... I feel like I'm just one loud bang away from a migraine.

Though I don't really mind that it makes food unappealing... less temptation to fall back on bad eating habits.