Stress Relief

I was going to find a cute hermit crab pic, but really... whats better than a lazy frog? He looks so content, even perhaps a bit smug, relaxing on his back in the sun... (Ironically, I think mr frog is actually from an antacid or similar type 'my belly hurts' advertisement... I choose to keep my illusions of comfort and contentment.)

So.

Sometimes when life gets a little crazy with stress, and I go a little more crazy than usual, I have to crawl into a dark hole and pull the door shut behind me. Shift into hermit mode, listen to loud music, hide from the world until the feelings of isolation are the result of my intentional absenting myself from things rather than a lack of social options.

Occasionally I have to take a few steps back from life before I can remember how to breathe normally. Once in a while this takes somebody else stepping in and reminding me to do it.

Yesterday I skipped out on my usual Saturday night gaming in favor of seeing a friend... Said friend did something very awesome, in that he took me out to dinner, let me babble at him about all of the things that have been stressing and upsetting me... until I worked through it all and shifted into just babbling about random things, character ideas, my writing, etc. Then, as a present, he got me a motel room so that I could spend a night away from the apt and all sources of stress and such.

While a bus ticket to wherever I decide to move might've made more sense, this is exactly what I needed. I left the laptop at home, so no internet although I texted a couple of twitter posts... I spent the night alone with a room, a big soft bed, and a tv. Ironically, in spite of having a comfy bed to sleep in (I'm learning to loathe futons and couches) I stayed up until 6am watching movies. Though the 5 hours I did sleep were more restful and relaxing than I've had in a long time.

My brain is still a bit swirly, its been weeks since I could settle down and focus on any type of writing that took more than 15 minutes, if even that long... but I can face the rest a bit easier now I think. I have a couple of options, and tomorrow I find out whether I'll still have a job long enough to make money for a bus ticket or need to try figuring something out or someone to borrow from. The roommates aren't being dicks about me needing to move immediately, so I've got a little bit of time to work with and that makes things easier as well.

Anyway, I've found a measure of sanity again... so its back to rolling with the waves (speaking of which, I could use a beach trip sometime in the next couple of months, places nearish the ocean are higher on the list of preferred options).

We now return you to our regularly scheduled programming.

Down in the downs

So. Yes, I exist. Surviving is kind of an involuntary habit most days, but I do it.

I did end up getting that job at the place that required a bank account, but I only get a couple of days a week so my checks are tiny.

Things with my living situation are up in the air and at the moment I'm just hoping the roommates will let me stay long enough that I can save up money to get a bus ticket to wherever I go next. Not sure where that will be yet. I'd like to go home to phoenix, but don't know anybody who is willing to offer me a couch long enough to find a job and save money to get a room somewhere else.

Have a potential for the vancouver/portland area, another for I think Arkansas, my cousin in Utah offered, and my Sis offered at one point as well... There was a boy in Indiana that I had hopes for but its been months since he's spoken to me, so I'm working on forcing myself to give up and forget about him. Its hard, there were a lot of promises and a lot of dreams built... but *shrug* thats life I suppose. Mine, anywya.

Its hard most days not to feel hopeless about things in general. On top of current stress, it happens to be November... which is always when my life decides to fall apart for some reason. I swear there's a curse, though more likely its just that I'm extra lonely around the holidays so everything else feels twice as miserable.

The moving thing isn't as upsetting as you'd think... I'm already hating the cold here, and I don't really have friends that I can call just to hang out with, or to talk to... so its not like I even have strong ties here. There are people I see on weekends when we game together, but very few show interest in knowing me outside of that. So escaping before the snow comes and freezes my blood solid in my veins, thats a definite bonus.

However, finding a place is difficult as I'll barely have enough money for the greyhound ticket, and will be broke when I end up wherever I go... so I'm basically asking "Hi, can I come be a burden for a bit, until I manage to find a job and can contribute finally?" Oddly enough, not an appealing thing for most people. So... Yeah.

I'll update when I figure out where I'm going, though with my track record it'll only be 3-4 months before I'm having to move yet again...

Positive attitude is beyond me at the moment, but I keep trying because the other option is to finally give up hope entirely... and I don't think I'm ready for that yet.