Down in the downs

So. Yes, I exist. Surviving is kind of an involuntary habit most days, but I do it.

I did end up getting that job at the place that required a bank account, but I only get a couple of days a week so my checks are tiny.

Things with my living situation are up in the air and at the moment I'm just hoping the roommates will let me stay long enough that I can save up money to get a bus ticket to wherever I go next. Not sure where that will be yet. I'd like to go home to phoenix, but don't know anybody who is willing to offer me a couch long enough to find a job and save money to get a room somewhere else.

Have a potential for the vancouver/portland area, another for I think Arkansas, my cousin in Utah offered, and my Sis offered at one point as well... There was a boy in Indiana that I had hopes for but its been months since he's spoken to me, so I'm working on forcing myself to give up and forget about him. Its hard, there were a lot of promises and a lot of dreams built... but *shrug* thats life I suppose. Mine, anywya.

Its hard most days not to feel hopeless about things in general. On top of current stress, it happens to be November... which is always when my life decides to fall apart for some reason. I swear there's a curse, though more likely its just that I'm extra lonely around the holidays so everything else feels twice as miserable.

The moving thing isn't as upsetting as you'd think... I'm already hating the cold here, and I don't really have friends that I can call just to hang out with, or to talk to... so its not like I even have strong ties here. There are people I see on weekends when we game together, but very few show interest in knowing me outside of that. So escaping before the snow comes and freezes my blood solid in my veins, thats a definite bonus.

However, finding a place is difficult as I'll barely have enough money for the greyhound ticket, and will be broke when I end up wherever I go... so I'm basically asking "Hi, can I come be a burden for a bit, until I manage to find a job and can contribute finally?" Oddly enough, not an appealing thing for most people. So... Yeah.

I'll update when I figure out where I'm going, though with my track record it'll only be 3-4 months before I'm having to move yet again...

Positive attitude is beyond me at the moment, but I keep trying because the other option is to finally give up hope entirely... and I don't think I'm ready for that yet.