Mish-Mash, assorted thoughts

So yesterday's post spurred me into doing some online searchy things, with discouraging results. Apparently I didn't keep any record of where I found the info previously and yesterday I couldn't even find the address, or anything connected to any of the names I had.

The only thing I did find was by doing a reverse lookup of the phone number I had. Its now registered to a James Pitts. So there is still some small potential, will have to ask Dad if that might have been her first married name, cause one of the brothers was "Jimmy" so perhaps?

I may have some notes on cd somewhere in my stuff here, but the cdrom on my laptop doesn't work very well. Candy's doesn't work at all... I may have to ask the other roommate if I can borrow his desktop while he's at work tonight. Then I can sort through the disks, possibly find the notes if I burned them (I think I remember doing that when I took my old stuff off of the comp Dad has now) , and put some stuff onto my usb thingy and transfer it over to the laptop. Music and such mostly, heh.

That kept me awake and alert long enough to have Candy run me to the gas station place to follow up on the job application I dropped off there. Ended up doing an interview, which I should have expected if I had been thinking properly. I'm not sure it went well. I did my best to explain things, but the manager was not pleased with my shoddy work history. *sigh* I may still have a chance, I could get lucky and nobody else who applies wants nights which is what they're specifically needing... But in my experience "We're still interviewing and..." is a brush off. I'll go in again in a couple of days, just to show that I am wanting the job, and possibly take the chance to talk to her again and let her know how very much I do want it... but I'm not particularly hopeful.

Once again I believe I've screwed myself over. Why am I incapable of having work related ambition, or a sane work ethic? I'll toil my ass off in the beginning of a job, when they appreciate me most... but as time continues and they start to take it for granted that I'll continue working at that energy level with zero recognition I begin to feel dissatisfied and miserable in the job. (Actually, the also exactly describes my behavior in regards to relationships as well, heh).

Usually within 3-6 months, depending on how long it takes for to stop saying "hey good job" and such, I start to hate the place. Hate myself for working there. Hate everyone I see there, co-workers and customers alike. Eventually I hit a point where I want to cry when my alarm clock goes off, and I'd rather die than have to face another day. Sometimes I'll manage to keep forcing myself to show up, but more often than not I'll just quit at that point... and not get another job until I either get bored, get desperate for money, or find something that I specifically want to try.

Fortunately -or unfortunately depending on your point of view- I've lived in a lot of situations where my roommates let me get away with this. Honestly, I have no idea why they let me get away with it and I'm surprised that any of those people still talk to me...

So, for example. My last three jobs as seen on the application I just turned in?
BP Amoco March 2008-August 2008 ... 5 months.
Store N More April 2007-July 2007 ... 3 months
Circle K July 2006-October 2006 ... 3 months

I should have added a sheet to include the Collections place I worked at for 8 months and the KFC I worked at for 2 years but the app only had space for the last 3.

So I look unreliable, unhirable... essentially worthless to prospective employers, and I'm stuck in the standard catch-22

I should learn how to lie on job apps *sigh*

I'm tempted to see about updating and printing out my resume and giving that to the manager, maybe the extra 2 jobs and some personal references will help a little? Or maybe just talking to her plainly and explaining that yes I know my work history looks bad but I'm trying to start over and if she hires me I intend to stick around... Its worth considering, though I worry that it'll come across as desperate.

I was so miserable and depressed after the interview that when I eventually let myself doze off I slept 12 hours... So I'm wide awake and active for the day. I intend to put some time into research today and may try starting on the new novel. I have a couple of ideas on what I want to go for format-wise... I'm feeling good about the idea, and oddly enough being depressed just gives me more energy to get into it. Odd, but also not. After all, I use my writing as an outlet for my moods and disappointments, so this fits perfectly.