So I've had this thing for a couple of years

Now that I know a couple of others who use it, I may actually start posting again. I have a goal here, I intend to keep this blog overall upbeat. It won't always be, because I have a tendency to dwell on the occasional dark thought or troubling memory, and because Drama (DRAMA) likes to pin me for the occasional 10 count (only 1-2-3 is necessary but it likes to stick for the long count just to be cruel sometimes.)

But my dad grumps at me because in other places I mostly post when I'm in negative moods, says I need to learn how to be happy... Well, I'm not sure how to go about that, but focusing on happier things, and posting when I'm in better moods... That I can make a goal of. PLUS! Knowing that family reads it, that should keep me in line right? Can't have them knowing any dark secrets :)

So we re-begin (And I think puppy adorableness was a good start, but figured something of actual content was required as well.)

I've just moved back to Florida after a ill met sojurn in California... Florida was better for me. I had to leave behind my beloved pet rat River, who was the coolest rat in existence, but I couldn't risk getting caught with her on Greyhound. I ran away from some bad stuff, but its firmly in the past where it belongs.

So far things are spiffy. I'm still job hunting, but otherwise things are good. I have an awesome friend who let me stay with her for the moment. I've had a couple of opportunities to visit with old friends in Orlando and spent one spiffalicious afternoon/evening flirting with an old crush. Thats an exciting note, because I'm one of those foolish girls whose life can be charted by the boys she likes, but BUT I plan to be not stupid this time, and as his interest thus far has shown only within the realm of flirtation, banter, and occasionally cuddling type affection... I think I'm safe for the moment. Its a nice high point though, I'm a feline creature that operates on friendly cuddles and affection.

Best of all, later tonight I'm joining friends for a midnight beach trip and... You cannot know how big of a deal this is for me. I'm a girl who grew up in the dark, desolate wastes of the desert... but the beach, the ocean, thats where I feel truly alive. In all my adventures so far, the only place I've found that feels like belonging is at the beach.

Only thing that makes me happier is a thunderstorm. All the crash and chaos, the hint and threat of violence... People tease me about having moved to the land of the hurricanes but I don't mind a bit... I've a notion that it would be just about the most exciting thing in my silly life, and I'm dumb enough to want to be right on the beach or near enough to feel the wind and the wildness of the storm throwing my hair into tangles.

Afterward... after beach, after storm, whichever... With the thunder crash and the chaos of the waves... I feel truly REAL. Washed clean of every dark thought and notion, a being of pure energy and sensation waiting to be unleashed on the unsuspecting world... But, oddly, in a good way. Like a dull party waiting desperately for some dynamic person to walk in and inspire everyone into fun.

My grandpa used to call me his Muse... and sometimes, in those post storm/beach moments thats what I think I feel like... One of the muses wedded to flesh and charged with the task of carrying the light of inspiration into the midst of some unsuspecting crowd.

... Its 4am, if those last couple of paragraphs don't sound completely insane then I'm going to claim sleep deprivation and pretend that I didn't mean every word as I typed it :)