Oh hai

You there, what you thinking?

Hmm

Words, must do those

Pondering words, book or blog.. sister-cousin insists

Last year for nanowrimo I tried to write a true-ish story of storied adventures, too much dwelling on certain negative experiences got into my head so that the past overrode the present.

May try again, with brutal honesty and an attempt at clarity.

We'll see.

Just blathering cause I remembered to be here

So.

Further Receptionist Rantings on Solicitors

The company that keeps calling and asking for an "Office Manager" finally tried a different salesperson who is less rude about it. I explained to this one that we don't have that position, its a small company and various tasks are handled from different department. Further, even if we had one, I wouldn't be allowed to pass her on as we do not accept any form of solicitation.

 

Its not solicitation, says she.

 

Why? Because they're calling on behalf of an insurance company that wants to give a quote on our health benefits.

 

We'll skip past the fact that an Office Manager generally deals with stuff like Office Supplies and such, though with a note that Employee Benefits tend to be handled either by Payroll or HR departments in most companies.

 

So. You want to give me a quote but thats not solicitation. Is this quote for FREE benefits, courtesy your company, with no charge to us? No? So you want us to pay you for a service which we have not previously requested, yet its not solicitation?

 

In the end I was nice, because they finally had someone polite call... I explained that we already have our contract or whatever with Blue Cross Blue Shield and aren't interested in changing. She said thank you and apologized for taking up my time, which hopefully means they'll stop calling.

 

I even waited until the phone was hung up before ranting :)

Yay I'm Rich!!! (though it is odd that the FBI's grammar is so poor...)

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: FBI <info@info.com>
Date: 2011/5/24
Subject: FBI Director Robert S. Mueller, III
To:

OFFICIAL LETTER FROM FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION FBI

ROBERT MUELLER III EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR FBI FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION

FBI.WASHINGTON DC.

Email: info@fbi-gvt.org

FBI SEEKING TO WIRETAP INTERNET

 

ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY

 

FROM: ROBERT MUELLER III EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR FBI FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION WASHINGTON DC. FBI SEEKING TO WIRETAP INTERNET

 

The federal bureau of investigation (FBI).Through our intelligence-monitoring network has discovered that the transaction that the bank contacted you previously was legal.Recentlythe fund has been legally approved to be paid via Central Bank of Nigeria.

 

So, we, the federal bureau of investigation (FBI) Washington Dc, in conjunction with the United Nations (UN) financial department have investigated through our monitoring network noting that your transaction with the Central Bank of Nigeria legal. You have the legitimate right to complete your transaction to claim your fund US$10.7,000,000.00 (Ten million Seven Hundred Thousand united states dollars)

Because of so much scam going on in Nigeria.We the federal bureau of investigation decided to contact the FedEx Courier Service Company in Nigeria

for them to give us their procedures on how to sent this money to you without any further complain or delay. We just got an information from the Central Bank of Nigeria and they have loaded your US$10.7,000,000.00 in ATM CARD and submit to the FedEx courier service company for immediate delivery to your doorstep.

 

You are required to choose one option, which you will be able to pay and also convenient for you, for quick delivery of your parcel containing your ATM CARD and other two original back up documents.

 

Service Type | Delivery Duration | Charges/Fees

------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------

Premium Express (24hrs Delivery)

Mailing $200.00 00.00

Insurance $150.00 00.00

Vat $100.00 00.00

TOTAL $450.00

$450(Four Hundred and fifty US Dollars Only).

 

.............................. .............................. ..........

Special Express (2 Days)

Mailing $180.00 00.00

Insurance $50.00 00.00

Vat $150.00 00.00

TOTAL $380.00 00.00

$380(Three Hundred and Eighty US Dollars Only).

 

.............................. .............................. ................

Economy Express (3Days)

Mailing $100.00 00.00

Insurance$?150.00 00.00

Vat (5%) $50.00 00.00

TOTAL $300.00 00.00

$300(Three Hundred US Dollars Only).

 

.............................. .............................. ........

You are hereby required to advice us, on your parcel delivery option by filling in the required form stated above. Please note that the deadline for claiming your fund is exactly one week after the receipt of this email. After this

period, your fund will be return back to the ordering costumer. That is the instruction given to us .So take note.

 

We request that you reconfirm your mailing address to ensure conformity with our record for immediate dispatch of your parcel to you. Only valid residential/ Office address and postal address are certified OK.

 

DELIVERY DESTINATION INFORMATION:

 

------------------------------ ------------------------------ -

Receiver's Name :............................. .................

Address:...................... .............................. ...........

Tel/:......................... .............................. ...............

Delivery Information/ Parcel Description

 

------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------

Delivery Terms: .............. .......International Delivery

Condition Of Delivery..............Priority Delivery

Consignment Note No: ........... MI 49866-2110

Color of Parcel: ..................... Brown.

Total Weight: ..........................36.2 kg

Total Net Weight: ...................1.7 kg

 

We are here to protect you from any problem till you receive your package .You can as well get in touch with the FedEx delivery company assigned to deliver this financial package

to your doorstep.

 

Below is the delivery companies contact information:

Companies Name: Federal Express Courier Service.

Email: stephenwilliamsdip@diplomats.com

Directors Name: Mr. Stephen Williams

 

Looking forward to hear from you as soon as you receive this message

 

Best Regards,

 

Robert S. Mueller III

Federal Bureau of Investigation

J. Edgar Hoover Building

935 Pennsylvania Avenue,

NW Washington, D.C.

20535-0001, USA

Email: info@fbi-gvt.org

Rant of a Receptionist

Every Damn Day I go on this rant at least once after a call from some moron or other.

 

Hello.

 

What part of "NOT INTERESTED" and "NO SOLICITING" are you too STUPID to understand??

 

Do we have a contract with you? Did we contact you asking for information about your product? Have we advertised an interest in your product? If your answer to any of these questions is "NO" then you are attempting to solicit, and we do not want to talk to you.

 

Are you cold calling businesses in an attempt to sell? Are you warm calling businesses in an attempt to sell? Are you calling a business which your company does not already have a contract or agreement with? Are you hoping that we will agree to enter into a purchase, lease, or contractual agreement with your company? Is your intent to initiate a business arrangement in which this company will exchange cash for goods or services from your company? If your answer to any of these questions is "Yes" "Well..." "Maybe..." or "But..." Then you are attempting to solicit, and I am going to get incredibly pissy if not outright rude.

 

Guess what, I have to be nice all day long to people who are rude to me because the person they called for is unavailable, I have to be polite to customers even when they are speaking abusively toward me, even if they are using profanity... You, however... are not our customer and I am not only allowed to behave as I please toward you, but am instructed to do anything necessary to shut you down.

 

Step into my parlor, mr Salesman... Have a seat, have a drink, settle in and have a nap... be a good little fly and stay still while I wrap you up in a nice cozy coccoon of webbing.

Rant from a Receptionist

If you do business with someone, write their name down. I should start keeping score on how many calls I get each day from people who have no idea who they need to talk to, can't remember who they've been working with on an order. They were clever enough to keep track of the phone number, but failed at writing down a contact name.

 

Note to world, sometimes this makes you look like a buffoon, possibly an incompetent one. Especially when you get pissy with the receptionist for not magically knowing who you need to speak with. How is it my fault you forgot the name? How is it that common sense fails when it comes to writing down a contact name when you write down that phone number?

 

It makes me wonder if these are the type of people who give out their number to hot prospects but forget to write their name on the sheet, then can't understand why the phone never rings. Nobody loves me!!!

 

Next, voicemail.

 

When leaving a message: State your Name, Phone Number, and reason for call. That way they know who called, how to contact them, and have an idea what to expect from the conversation.

 

When recieving a message: Listen to find out who called. Call them back. DO NOT just look at the caller ID and call demanding to talk to whoever just left you a message, because whether I mean to or not I'm going to make you feel silly by asking "Did they leave a message?" then suggesting you listen to it before calling back with the name of the person who tried to contact you. I have no way of telepathically knowing who in the building tried to call whom (unless they happen to call up and let me know they're waiting on a call from So-and-So, but that doesn't happen often).

 

Further. Please do not have a panic attack when I offer to put you into voicemail. I promise I'm not trying to blow you off, not trying to prevent you from getting your business taken care of, and not dumping you into the bottomless pit of ignore. What I'm doing is giving you the most direct way of letting that person know you need to speak with them. There are a couple of salespeople within a distance that I can step away from my desk to give them a written message, but most of them work in a separate building that I rarely see, and I only see them if they happen to wander over this way for some reason. *I* am the dead letter office of leaving messages, it could take days for that person to find out you needed something, rather than the few minutes until they finish up the call they're on.

 

Not to mention, there is no guarantee they'll call you back either way. Return calls sometimes get put off until they have time, until they've finished the current task, until after they've had a chance to run to the restroom... They're not hiding from you, they're just busy and yes they WILL get back to you as soon as they are able. Unless they forget, so if its super-important, maybe call back in a couple of hours?

 

While I'm on the topic of emergencies, please plan ahead. If you need to order something for a job that should be finished by June, its best to make sure your order is placed 1-2 months in advance. We don't carry a lot of excess stock, so usually we don't have it on hand and you're going to have to wait the 4-6 weeks it sometimes takes our suppliers to deliver. If you plan ahead you are more likely to get the job done on time. If you wait until the week before your completion date, and we don't have the item in the warehouse already, you have doomed yourself to looking foolish and finishing the job late.  Let me make this perfectly clear. If you wait until the last moment, any work delays are your fault, not ours. Order on time, early even, and we go out of our way to make sure we can hit whatever deadline you place. aka "The job is slated to be complete by August 1, we need those doors by July 5th at the latest."

 

Also. Calling and telling someone "I need this" does not mean you have placed an order. The salesperson will have questions on dimensions, details, they may need submittal drawings, and a purchase order giving us authorization to proceed. Until you recieve word stating clearly that the order has been placed, and an expected delivery date, you have not completed the process of ordering your item(s).

 

It should be further noted that asking for a Quote does not mean you have placed an order. It means you asked us how much we would charge. Unless you respond saying that you accept that quote and wish to proceed, all you've done is a price check. Calling back 6 months later demanding the item is going to make you look foolish. I'm sorry, but its true.

 

Finally, to all the co-workers who like to wander by and ask me what I'm doing... ARGH! Clearly I'm trying to take a nap, kindly go away :P

 

 

 

 

Adventures of a Receptionist

A brief sampling of daily conversations:

 

Caller: "Somebody from this number called, can I talk to them?"

Me: "I'm sorry, I have no way of knowing which of our people tried to call, do you have someone you normally speak to? Did you leave a message for someone to call you back about one of our products?"

Caller: "Yes, but I don't remember the name."

Me: "Did they leave a voicemail?"

Caller: "Oh I guess I could check that..."

 

 

Me: "Good morning, [Company Name]!"

Caller: "Who?"

Me: "[Company Name]"

Caller: "Is this [some other company's name]"

Me: "No, this is [Company Name]."

Caller: "Are you sure you arent [some other company's name]?"

Me: "Absolutely possitive, we're [Company Name], did you mean to call [Company Name]?"

Caller: "I guess not. Can you put me through to [other company]?"

Me: "I'm sorry, we're not even in the same field as that company, you'll have to hang up and dial their number."

Caller: *click*

Me: "Good Morning, [Company Name]!"

Caller: "This isn't [other company's name]?"

Me: "I'm sorry, this is still [Company Name.]"

Caller: "Well you said call back, I hit redial and..."

Me: "I'm sorry. You need to hang up and manually dial the different number, we have nothing to do with [other company name]. Redial will just send you back to me again, and I can't do anything to help you."

Caller: *click*

 

Caller: "I need to speak with a salesperson or estimator."

Me: "Sure thing, what would the product be?"

Caller: "I just need a salesman"

Me: "I understand, I just need to know what the product is so I can transfer you to the person who handles that."

Caller: "Just give me the sales department."

Me: "Our company doesn't have a generic sales department, we have several departments, with various salespeople handling specific products, if you can tell me what type of product you're looking for, I can give you to the person who handles it."

Caller: "Oh, I need [product]"

Me: "Thank you, one moment please."

 

Caller: "I need to speak with [salesman]"

Me: "He's on another phonecall right now, I can give you his voicemail..."

Caller: "No, I need to talk to him right now."

Me: "I'm sorry he's not available at the moment, if you leave a voicemail he can get back to you when he finishes with the customer he's currently speaking with."

Caller: "Can't you just run over and tell him its me, I'm sure he's waiting to hear from me."

Me: "I'm sorry, most of our sales department is in a completely different building and I'm not allowed to be away from my desk."

Caller: "You can't just run and tell him I need to talk to him?"

Me: "No, I'm sorry, but I can put you through to his voicemail so you can ask him to call you back."

Caller: "Can I just give you the message to have him call me?"

Me: "I can write down your information, but since he's in a different building I only see him once or twice a day, honestly you will get a response much faster if you leave a voicemail which he can check as soon as he's available."

Caller: "Oh, okay..."

 

blip

The weight that was supposed to be lost by April 15th? Yeah, so... gained instead. Was stupid. STupid fast food. Stupid too lazy to go to the gym. Gonna fix that, cause I'm reallllly tired of being disgusted by my own reflection. I want to see what others claim to see, cause when the true Goddess emerges? The world will be in trouble, full Succubus effect. Run for your lives and hide your men, right?

 

Not going to rant as much about dieting, I keep forgetting I'm supposed to try staying positive in this blog and only end up updating either when I'm dwelling on misery or need to vent (which in a way is the same thing, in the end).

 

Dunno how clever or awesome I'll be. I'll never match Charlie Sheen's rants (and yes, he's my current fixation... BF is less than pleased at my caring more about the mad ramblings of an actor than world troubles in Libya and such.)

 

Think I found a tattoo place to get my poppy flowers, I'm excited. May try stopping in between now and when the tax return moneys should be coming in. Friends have a person they keep recommending but his work that I've seen isn't as good as I'd like. Blurred lines, lack of shading...  This one is important to me, Poppy was my grandpa's name, the design is to honor him.. If it get screwed up I will not forgive, and do not have the capacity for politely lying and saying I like what I don't. A bad haircut eventually grows out, a bad tattoo? No thanks, sorry, maybe when I decide to get a lil' Eeyore or something. For the big, important stuff I'd rather have someone with a few years of experience and talent. Bright colors, depth and shading.

 

Also, I'm getting a puppy... tiny... mini daschaund/min-pin, mamma got rescued by a friend who can't keep all the pups. So likely there will be squeeful posts about puppy cute-ness in a month or so when she comes home. I am impatient. Already have money set aside for the vet.

 

RambleBabble, back to work now.