Adventures of a Receptionist

A brief sampling of daily conversations:

 

Caller: "Somebody from this number called, can I talk to them?"

Me: "I'm sorry, I have no way of knowing which of our people tried to call, do you have someone you normally speak to? Did you leave a message for someone to call you back about one of our products?"

Caller: "Yes, but I don't remember the name."

Me: "Did they leave a voicemail?"

Caller: "Oh I guess I could check that..."

 

 

Me: "Good morning, [Company Name]!"

Caller: "Who?"

Me: "[Company Name]"

Caller: "Is this [some other company's name]"

Me: "No, this is [Company Name]."

Caller: "Are you sure you arent [some other company's name]?"

Me: "Absolutely possitive, we're [Company Name], did you mean to call [Company Name]?"

Caller: "I guess not. Can you put me through to [other company]?"

Me: "I'm sorry, we're not even in the same field as that company, you'll have to hang up and dial their number."

Caller: *click*

Me: "Good Morning, [Company Name]!"

Caller: "This isn't [other company's name]?"

Me: "I'm sorry, this is still [Company Name.]"

Caller: "Well you said call back, I hit redial and..."

Me: "I'm sorry. You need to hang up and manually dial the different number, we have nothing to do with [other company name]. Redial will just send you back to me again, and I can't do anything to help you."

Caller: *click*

 

Caller: "I need to speak with a salesperson or estimator."

Me: "Sure thing, what would the product be?"

Caller: "I just need a salesman"

Me: "I understand, I just need to know what the product is so I can transfer you to the person who handles that."

Caller: "Just give me the sales department."

Me: "Our company doesn't have a generic sales department, we have several departments, with various salespeople handling specific products, if you can tell me what type of product you're looking for, I can give you to the person who handles it."

Caller: "Oh, I need [product]"

Me: "Thank you, one moment please."

 

Caller: "I need to speak with [salesman]"

Me: "He's on another phonecall right now, I can give you his voicemail..."

Caller: "No, I need to talk to him right now."

Me: "I'm sorry he's not available at the moment, if you leave a voicemail he can get back to you when he finishes with the customer he's currently speaking with."

Caller: "Can't you just run over and tell him its me, I'm sure he's waiting to hear from me."

Me: "I'm sorry, most of our sales department is in a completely different building and I'm not allowed to be away from my desk."

Caller: "You can't just run and tell him I need to talk to him?"

Me: "No, I'm sorry, but I can put you through to his voicemail so you can ask him to call you back."

Caller: "Can I just give you the message to have him call me?"

Me: "I can write down your information, but since he's in a different building I only see him once or twice a day, honestly you will get a response much faster if you leave a voicemail which he can check as soon as he's available."

Caller: "Oh, okay..."

 

blip

The weight that was supposed to be lost by April 15th? Yeah, so... gained instead. Was stupid. STupid fast food. Stupid too lazy to go to the gym. Gonna fix that, cause I'm reallllly tired of being disgusted by my own reflection. I want to see what others claim to see, cause when the true Goddess emerges? The world will be in trouble, full Succubus effect. Run for your lives and hide your men, right?

 

Not going to rant as much about dieting, I keep forgetting I'm supposed to try staying positive in this blog and only end up updating either when I'm dwelling on misery or need to vent (which in a way is the same thing, in the end).

 

Dunno how clever or awesome I'll be. I'll never match Charlie Sheen's rants (and yes, he's my current fixation... BF is less than pleased at my caring more about the mad ramblings of an actor than world troubles in Libya and such.)

 

Think I found a tattoo place to get my poppy flowers, I'm excited. May try stopping in between now and when the tax return moneys should be coming in. Friends have a person they keep recommending but his work that I've seen isn't as good as I'd like. Blurred lines, lack of shading...  This one is important to me, Poppy was my grandpa's name, the design is to honor him.. If it get screwed up I will not forgive, and do not have the capacity for politely lying and saying I like what I don't. A bad haircut eventually grows out, a bad tattoo? No thanks, sorry, maybe when I decide to get a lil' Eeyore or something. For the big, important stuff I'd rather have someone with a few years of experience and talent. Bright colors, depth and shading.

 

Also, I'm getting a puppy... tiny... mini daschaund/min-pin, mamma got rescued by a friend who can't keep all the pups. So likely there will be squeeful posts about puppy cute-ness in a month or so when she comes home. I am impatient. Already have money set aside for the vet.

 

RambleBabble, back to work now.

Rant of the Day (I make no promises as to coherence)

The next person who tries to tell me I'm a shitty human being becuase I don't worry about or pay attention to world news, politics from other countries, most of the politics from my own country, etc...  may be the lucky recipient of a box of  shut the f*ck up, and a junk punch.

Yes, I know its important, and some of it has potential to eventually affect us...  However, my angsting and worrying over it is going to do absolutely nothing to influence the situation. If our gas prices jump another $5 because of some middle east conflict, I'll try and find ways to come up with gas money to continue coming to work. My stressing over the possibility isn't going to prevent it from happening... So why not spend that time doing something more immediate... Sure, I'll look at my budget and where corners can be cut if necessary... but as I lack any kind of marketable skill toward solving the problem, thats all I can realistically do.

I could write congress people and politicians, paper my walls with form letters that don't even promise that my opinion was heard, and feel like I'm accomplishing something... but, again, I feel that time can be better spent focusing on my own day to day survival.

When I was in... maybe 2nd grade... for homework we had to watch the news and read the paper every day for a month. I got so immersed in all the horrible, depressing things going on in the world, and my complete uselessness in doing anything to magically make those things better... I literally made myself sick crying over what a horrible ugly world we live in... I honestly couldnt' understand why people bothered *living* in this world... why we didn't all jump off a cliff like a bunch of lemmings...

My grandpa finally sat me down and came up with an explination that appealed to my poor little bleeding heart that wanted to save every stray puppy and starving foreign child...  You can't. It isn't physically possible for me to rescue every stray puppy in existence, help every wounded bird that falls out of a tree, feed every hungry belly on the planet. All I can do is help the ones that I can. In other words, fight the battles that I have a chance at, help people save themselves. Most importantly, trust that there are others out there working on helping the ones outside of my personal sphere.

Somewhere along the line I managed to bury the majority of that oversensitive bleeding heart in a few layers of cynicism, but y'know what? Its how I survive... because opening the door to the suicidal "Why bother continuing to live in a big bad ugly world like this" just isn't an intelligent choice for me to make.

Do I recommend everyone do as I do? Absolutely not. This is my life and how I choose to live it. If others have the skill and the passion to reach further than their own personal spheres and network with others who can reach even further... Great! I may pitch in from time to time as I feel that I can, but I'm perfectly content to let them do the good works that need doing.

And yes, I acknowledge that should some conspiracy theorist's favorite Non Zombie end world scenario come to fruition, I'll likely be screwed becuase of my lack of preparation and awareness...and if they choose not to take pity and rescue me, I can accept that they have every right to feel that I don't deserve saving. Maybe in that post-apocalyptic world people like me are better off left to drown, leaving the next civilizations to be built by those who might have a better chance of creating an enlightened society. I fully accept that if the world moves on I may be left behind.

I live my life day to day, paycheck to paycheck. If I come along someone on my path who needs a little help that I am capable of offering, I do it or help them find someone who can. If I feel passionate about a cause I speak up, I look for ways to show support, I do what I can for as long as I can manage. If the passion fizzles or other life concerns take precedence, I trust the others to continue on in my absence.

This is my life, and the way that I live it.  I don't expect anyone else to do it the way that I do.

Plan of fat-conquering attack.

"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
in a world that keeps on pushin me around
but I'll stand my ground
...and I won't back down

(I won't back down...)
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(and I won't back down...)
hey I will stand my ground
(I won't back down)
and I won't back down..."

I dunno if Tom Petty crept in to serenade me in my sleep, or was on the radio driving in to work but the song is stuck in my head today. Could do worse, I suppose
<em>334</em>

So we'll take it as a cue from the Mary Sunshine crew who keep pouting at me for taking the more negative approach (all in fun, folks, I fully accept that I need a poke now and again to keep me from letting the pessimism become unhealthy. Dwelling is bad!)

Right now sucks, because back in October when I started, even with the Halloween drinking binge, I was still down from 262 to 249. I was not only staying under 2000 calories a day, it was actually a struggle to do more than 1600 (and my average days were around 1200 when I was at my most restrictive, no foods that didn't come with trackable nutrition info). I was going to the gym at least twice, sometimes three times a week. I was enjoying my visits with the treadmill and beginning to explore potential relationships with other machines (the elliptical only served to confuse me, which was a disappointment after all the great things I'd heard about it. I felt like I was trying to ride a child's bicycle). We were taking GNC's Active Vita-Pak supplement thingys (not sure how much it helped with the diet, but there was definitely a noticable difference in energy levels when used regularly).

Being back up to 260 sucks, but having dropped almost 20lbs by being vigiliant and restrictive with my food options, going to the gym, and staying motivated... That helps me remember that what was done once can be done again. The fact that I managed to maintain 254 through most of the holidays helps me remember not to be afraid of what happens once I reach the target goal of a happy/comfortable weight. All I have to do to maintain is stick with responsible eating habits and regular exercise.

The hope, of course, is that by the time I get down to a more desired weight, I'll have conquered the binge-impulses... or at least learned better self control tricks and tactics. The reality is that it is likely to still hapen from time to time, and I must remember that it doesn't matter what I ate yesterday or the day before. If I gave in to the urge for a big greasy burger for lunch, that doesn't mean I shouldn't be leaning toward healthier choices today.

Of course that brings up the problem second only to the binge-eating habits. The fact that I enjoy very few fruits or vegetables, that there are a number of foods I cannot eat for various digestive reasons... anything even slightly spicy, a great number of seasonings, even plain old black pepper. So finding healthier foods that I can actually enjoy is a long, slow, difficult journey. A lot of the healthier recipes I find include ingredients I can't handle.

Breakfast and lunch are usually doable as we can find lean cuisine/etc type meals to bring to work. Dinner is often the problematic one, with my limits and lack of cooking creativity. BF has requested that I come up with some menu options, shopping list, etc but even when it comes to food I already know that I enjoy I have a great deal of difficulty coming up with options within an even more limited range. We're working on finding more things that I can manage, bf enjoys veggies and such so basically he gets what he wants and I try a bite.

So on we go, to see what we shall see.

And to round the whole post out, of course.

I won't back down.

Disappoimtment

I'm having a crappy week, fighting with people over the most ridiculous things, cranky, on edge, and having headaches that make my skull feel like its trying to cave in on itself. Food is unappealing, even the stuff I actually enjoy the taste off, and its a chore to force it down most of the time. I do not want food, however I will not starve myself as I know that its counter-productive. The body requires its minimum amount of sustenance and I will give it at least that, and even if I weren't willing to do that the BF would force feed me if he even thought I was deliberately not eating. So I eat, the body doesn't care how the food tastes, just wants nutrients to absorb, so I will continue to feed its food addiction.

Our first day at the new Gym was Monday, we got a free meeting/assessment with the trainer... Good, because she was nice and helpful... Bad because it is now fully official that I am obese. She tried to cheer it up by saying that I didn't have a lot to lose in order to fall into merely overweight, but thats really cheerful..  It also wasn't a surprise, so wasn't as upsetting as it could be. It did help a lot that she said if we ever have questions or need help she doesn't care if we're paying for training sessions, she doesn't want us to give up or get discouraged so feel free to come to her.

The treadmill felt good, we did 20 min and after 10 I was struggling, but slowed down a bit and got a second wind I guess... I wanted to stay and just gradually increase difficulty for a while but bf wanted to try other machines.  The elliptical I did not like, maybe its adjustable or copying the guy next to me wasn't enough to figure out what I was doing, but I felt like I was trying to ride a child's bicycle, it felt too short for me and I couldn't get comfortable. The weight machines I'm not a fan of either...

But the trainer said that for the first few weeks we should be focusing more on just start going 2-3 days a week and slowly work up to 5 once its a habit. She said focusing on cardio for the first bit, as its easiest and most comfortable to get into is a good idea, and slowly start adding in other things as we go along until we have a full workout going on a regular schedule.

So for now treadmill it will be, and I'll try other things here and again as we go in more often. I had a nice happy little buzz after getting off the treadmill, wobbly hips and knees, hopefully eventually the other machines will kick up the endorphins as well.

Today will be our second trip to the gym, and I'm looking forward to it...

Today the mail finally came with that gorgeous coat I ordered and I look horrid in it... Its too small, and even taking the lacing in the back out it still won't button... I used to be able to wear an XL, maybe not over my chest but I used to be able to get XL coats to button up to a certain point, but this one even with the back's lacing removed, won't catch a single button. I feel disgustingly pathetically fat... I'll likely continue to wear the one (I got both colors) because it looks "ok" unlaced and unbuttoned, it hangs alright so until it gets cold out i should be able to wear it.... The other is goign to go on a hook on the back of the closet or bathroom door as a daily reminder to stop being fat so I can fit in the coat I just wasted so much money on (cable got disconnected last night, I bought the coats instead of paying the bill...)

I'm extremely disappointed that it didn't fit, that I blew the money I should've spent responsibly... So maybe if wanting to fit in the coat *and look good wearing it* isnt' motivation enough, maybe I can shame myself into a different kind of motivation.

Positive motivation works better for most people, but for me sometimes negative works even better...  de-motivational posters and whatnot, maybe to shame myself into it, maybe just as a reminder of what  I DON'T want to be anymore... Its not something I know how to complain, just that sometimes positive focused attempts are only destined for failure with me... Like calling it a"life-style change" in the past has only been an excuse to claim I was dieting while sitting on my ass and doing absolutely nothing to effect a change... however in calling it an actual Diet, which so many people try to tell me I can't do... is helping me motivate and stay dedicated to it. The word Diet has a finality to it that hangs over my head as a reminder to fight temptation to go back to binge-eating and such, so unlike most I prefer it this way.

So.  I will hang a coat as my daily reminder to stop being too fat to look good in it... I will continue with my calories and portion control so that I don't slip back into binge habits... I will go to the gym (and the amount I'm paying per month is bonus motivation to not waste those fees by making excuses not to go)... I will succeed.

I will one day be able to look in the mirror and smile becuase I will be comfortable and happy within my own skin, instead of immediately turning away in disgust.

Haven't written much because a lot of it would have been whining. I'm hungry, I don't like a lot of the foods I'm eating, I want a damn hamburger, I want cheese, wah! In spite of all that, I'm doing my best to stick with it.

Weekends are difficult as we sleep in and don't eat our first meal of the day until around noon, and I just can't bring myself to force 3 meals down between then and bedtime. Yesterday I ended up using that as an excuse to snack on buttered popcorn and vanilla ice cream with chocolate syrup... Saturday I had a handful of tootsie rolls. Tasty, but not worth it. We did finish up the ice cream though, and thats almost the last of the junk foods we had in the house before starting. I've got a hidden box of chocolate pocky in the closet, saving for chocolate emergency *grin* otherwise there's a box of brownie mix, and a cake in the freezer that we plan to thaw out and take to a party this or next weekend. Ohhh... and some chocolate fudge pop tarts...

After that, aside from small single serving treats that can be kept aside as occasional rewards, I won't be bringing any more into the house. If its not there, I can't eat it.

Fridays we get out at Noon, so went to check out a couple of gyms. One that bf's mom goes to for her physical theurapy which was a nice little place and would've been cheap, but didn't really have much to offer. The other turns out to be just down the street from us, maybe a mile and a half at most. Lots of amenities (including oxygen bar),  more pricey but we decided it was worth the extra cost. Being so close to home takes away almost any excuse we might have to skip out.

Tonight we have an appointment to talk to one of their trainers about our goals, they'll do all the measurements and bmi stuff apparently, and go over what sort of exercise and whatnot we need to be doing to achieve our goals. Something I'm extremely nervous about as I know myself well enough to know there's a heavy chance of me taking things personally, which would be unproductive. BF and I are going together, though, so he can do most of the talking and elbow me if I get oversensitive :)

I'm hopeful, we're excited about the gym. Probably going to start at 2-3 days a week but I want to eventually be going 5... maybe even for a few minutes on the weekend.

So.

Whee.

:)

thud

Energy reserves are running close to empty... in part because its a rainy day and I really just want to be curled up in a blanket (or my obnoxious pink snuggie) and wait for the storm to crash down. Mostly because I'm exhausted, over worked (in the sense of constantly having to be on the go, rather than working too much at my job), and only get 4-5 hours sleep a night.

In the evening I can't find the energy to do much more than sit on the couch and try not to fall asleep until after dinner. So I play with the wii, watch tv a bit, look at the emails that I still need to respond to from almost a month ago... flitting from one thing to the next with a complete lack of focus. In my head I write lists of the things I need to be working on but it just makes me want to cry because I don't know where to find the time without giving up more sleep, or filling up my weeknights to the point that I don't stop moving until bedtime.

And somehow, with an overflowing social calendar, housework/etc type responsibilities, a full time job, wanting to do nanowrimo this year, and a boyfriend who doesn't know seem to know how to relax (I've been joking about slipping tranquilizers into his food so that I can stay home for the night)... I need to find time to start going to the gym. Its overwhelming... I just want to chuck it all and curl up in a dark closet for a bit just to get some quality alone time.

Since thats not an option, I'm just going to have to learn how to say "Sorry, but if you really want to go out you'll have to go alone this time" Which I put into practice for the first time today, as we're supposed to meet his friends at Red Lobster for endless something-or-other and I just don't trust myself to eat there.

Also, I desperately need to start getting to bed earlier. Every day I say I'll be in bed by 10, which turns into "Just one more episode of How I Met Your Mother" or some other tv show that comes on just as I'm about to get up.. or the bf and I curl up in bed and end up talking until well after midnight.. or something else comes up to prevent me from getting to bed (That friend I haven't seen online in at least a year who just happens to sign in as I'm about to shut down the laptop, that email I just need to answer, the blog I'm "almost" finished writing...) So I'm going to start trying to get to bed by 9, and if that doesn't work, I'll try to be in bed with a book by 8...

I'm hoping that clearing a couple of items out of the social calendar, keeping up with housework (do dishes every night after dinner instead of letting it pile up, etc)... and getting to bed earlier will help.

And maybe this headache I've had for the last couple of weeks will go away once I start getting more rest. Maybe I'll be able to focus on things again. I'm also hoping that getting rid of the headaches will cure the near constant nausea that comes with them... I feel like I'm just one loud bang away from a migraine.

Though I don't really mind that it makes food unappealing... less temptation to fall back on bad eating habits.