Further Receptionist Rantings on Solicitors

The company that keeps calling and asking for an "Office Manager" finally tried a different salesperson who is less rude about it. I explained to this one that we don't have that position, its a small company and various tasks are handled from different department. Further, even if we had one, I wouldn't be allowed to pass her on as we do not accept any form of solicitation.

 

Its not solicitation, says she.

 

Why? Because they're calling on behalf of an insurance company that wants to give a quote on our health benefits.

 

We'll skip past the fact that an Office Manager generally deals with stuff like Office Supplies and such, though with a note that Employee Benefits tend to be handled either by Payroll or HR departments in most companies.

 

So. You want to give me a quote but thats not solicitation. Is this quote for FREE benefits, courtesy your company, with no charge to us? No? So you want us to pay you for a service which we have not previously requested, yet its not solicitation?

 

In the end I was nice, because they finally had someone polite call... I explained that we already have our contract or whatever with Blue Cross Blue Shield and aren't interested in changing. She said thank you and apologized for taking up my time, which hopefully means they'll stop calling.

 

I even waited until the phone was hung up before ranting :)

Yay I'm Rich!!! (though it is odd that the FBI's grammar is so poor...)

---------- Forwarded message ----------
From: FBI <info@info.com>
Date: 2011/5/24
Subject: FBI Director Robert S. Mueller, III
To:

OFFICIAL LETTER FROM FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION FBI

ROBERT MUELLER III EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR FBI FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION

FBI.WASHINGTON DC.

Email: info@fbi-gvt.org

FBI SEEKING TO WIRETAP INTERNET

 

ATTENTION: BENEFICIARY

 

FROM: ROBERT MUELLER III EXECUTIVE DIRECTOR FBI FEDERAL BUREAU OF INVESTIGATION WASHINGTON DC. FBI SEEKING TO WIRETAP INTERNET

 

The federal bureau of investigation (FBI).Through our intelligence-monitoring network has discovered that the transaction that the bank contacted you previously was legal.Recentlythe fund has been legally approved to be paid via Central Bank of Nigeria.

 

So, we, the federal bureau of investigation (FBI) Washington Dc, in conjunction with the United Nations (UN) financial department have investigated through our monitoring network noting that your transaction with the Central Bank of Nigeria legal. You have the legitimate right to complete your transaction to claim your fund US$10.7,000,000.00 (Ten million Seven Hundred Thousand united states dollars)

Because of so much scam going on in Nigeria.We the federal bureau of investigation decided to contact the FedEx Courier Service Company in Nigeria

for them to give us their procedures on how to sent this money to you without any further complain or delay. We just got an information from the Central Bank of Nigeria and they have loaded your US$10.7,000,000.00 in ATM CARD and submit to the FedEx courier service company for immediate delivery to your doorstep.

 

You are required to choose one option, which you will be able to pay and also convenient for you, for quick delivery of your parcel containing your ATM CARD and other two original back up documents.

 

Service Type | Delivery Duration | Charges/Fees

------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------

Premium Express (24hrs Delivery)

Mailing $200.00 00.00

Insurance $150.00 00.00

Vat $100.00 00.00

TOTAL $450.00

$450(Four Hundred and fifty US Dollars Only).

 

.............................. .............................. ..........

Special Express (2 Days)

Mailing $180.00 00.00

Insurance $50.00 00.00

Vat $150.00 00.00

TOTAL $380.00 00.00

$380(Three Hundred and Eighty US Dollars Only).

 

.............................. .............................. ................

Economy Express (3Days)

Mailing $100.00 00.00

Insurance$?150.00 00.00

Vat (5%) $50.00 00.00

TOTAL $300.00 00.00

$300(Three Hundred US Dollars Only).

 

.............................. .............................. ........

You are hereby required to advice us, on your parcel delivery option by filling in the required form stated above. Please note that the deadline for claiming your fund is exactly one week after the receipt of this email. After this

period, your fund will be return back to the ordering costumer. That is the instruction given to us .So take note.

 

We request that you reconfirm your mailing address to ensure conformity with our record for immediate dispatch of your parcel to you. Only valid residential/ Office address and postal address are certified OK.

 

DELIVERY DESTINATION INFORMATION:

 

------------------------------ ------------------------------ -

Receiver's Name :............................. .................

Address:...................... .............................. ...........

Tel/:......................... .............................. ...............

Delivery Information/ Parcel Description

 

------------------------------ ------------------------------ ---------------

Delivery Terms: .............. .......International Delivery

Condition Of Delivery..............Priority Delivery

Consignment Note No: ........... MI 49866-2110

Color of Parcel: ..................... Brown.

Total Weight: ..........................36.2 kg

Total Net Weight: ...................1.7 kg

 

We are here to protect you from any problem till you receive your package .You can as well get in touch with the FedEx delivery company assigned to deliver this financial package

to your doorstep.

 

Below is the delivery companies contact information:

Companies Name: Federal Express Courier Service.

Email: stephenwilliamsdip@diplomats.com

Directors Name: Mr. Stephen Williams

 

Looking forward to hear from you as soon as you receive this message

 

Best Regards,

 

Robert S. Mueller III

Federal Bureau of Investigation

J. Edgar Hoover Building

935 Pennsylvania Avenue,

NW Washington, D.C.

20535-0001, USA

Email: info@fbi-gvt.org

Rant of a Receptionist

Every Damn Day I go on this rant at least once after a call from some moron or other.

 

Hello.

 

What part of "NOT INTERESTED" and "NO SOLICITING" are you too STUPID to understand??

 

Do we have a contract with you? Did we contact you asking for information about your product? Have we advertised an interest in your product? If your answer to any of these questions is "NO" then you are attempting to solicit, and we do not want to talk to you.

 

Are you cold calling businesses in an attempt to sell? Are you warm calling businesses in an attempt to sell? Are you calling a business which your company does not already have a contract or agreement with? Are you hoping that we will agree to enter into a purchase, lease, or contractual agreement with your company? Is your intent to initiate a business arrangement in which this company will exchange cash for goods or services from your company? If your answer to any of these questions is "Yes" "Well..." "Maybe..." or "But..." Then you are attempting to solicit, and I am going to get incredibly pissy if not outright rude.

 

Guess what, I have to be nice all day long to people who are rude to me because the person they called for is unavailable, I have to be polite to customers even when they are speaking abusively toward me, even if they are using profanity... You, however... are not our customer and I am not only allowed to behave as I please toward you, but am instructed to do anything necessary to shut you down.

 

Step into my parlor, mr Salesman... Have a seat, have a drink, settle in and have a nap... be a good little fly and stay still while I wrap you up in a nice cozy coccoon of webbing.