18 January, 2011

Plan of fat-conquering attack.

"Well I know what's right, I got just one life
in a world that keeps on pushin me around
but I'll stand my ground
...and I won't back down

(I won't back down...)
Hey baby, there ain't no easy way out
(and I won't back down...)
hey I will stand my ground
(I won't back down)
and I won't back down..."

I dunno if Tom Petty crept in to serenade me in my sleep, or was on the radio driving in to work but the song is stuck in my head today. Could do worse, I suppose
<em>334</em>


So we'll take it as a cue from the Mary Sunshine crew who keep pouting at me for taking the more negative approach (all in fun, folks, I fully accept that I need a poke now and again to keep me from letting the pessimism become unhealthy. Dwelling is bad!)

Right now sucks, because back in October when I started, even with the Halloween drinking binge, I was still down from 262 to 249. I was not only staying under 2000 calories a day, it was actually a struggle to do more than 1600 (and my average days were around 1200 when I was at my most restrictive, no foods that didn't come with trackable nutrition info). I was going to the gym at least twice, sometimes three times a week. I was enjoying my visits with the treadmill and beginning to explore potential relationships with other machines (the elliptical only served to confuse me, which was a disappointment after all the great things I'd heard about it. I felt like I was trying to ride a child's bicycle). We were taking GNC's Active Vita-Pak supplement thingys (not sure how much it helped with the diet, but there was definitely a noticable difference in energy levels when used regularly).

Being back up to 260 sucks, but having dropped almost 20lbs by being vigiliant and restrictive with my food options, going to the gym, and staying motivated... That helps me remember that what was done once can be done again. The fact that I managed to maintain 254 through most of the holidays helps me remember not to be afraid of what happens once I reach the target goal of a happy/comfortable weight. All I have to do to maintain is stick with responsible eating habits and regular exercise.

The hope, of course, is that by the time I get down to a more desired weight, I'll have conquered the binge-impulses... or at least learned better self control tricks and tactics. The reality is that it is likely to still hapen from time to time, and I must remember that it doesn't matter what I ate yesterday or the day before. If I gave in to the urge for a big greasy burger for lunch, that doesn't mean I shouldn't be leaning toward healthier choices today.

Of course that brings up the problem second only to the binge-eating habits. The fact that I enjoy very few fruits or vegetables, that there are a number of foods I cannot eat for various digestive reasons... anything even slightly spicy, a great number of seasonings, even plain old black pepper. So finding healthier foods that I can actually enjoy is a long, slow, difficult journey. A lot of the healthier recipes I find include ingredients I can't handle.

Breakfast and lunch are usually doable as we can find lean cuisine/etc type meals to bring to work. Dinner is often the problematic one, with my limits and lack of cooking creativity. BF has requested that I come up with some menu options, shopping list, etc but even when it comes to food I already know that I enjoy I have a great deal of difficulty coming up with options within an even more limited range. We're working on finding more things that I can manage, bf enjoys veggies and such so basically he gets what he wants and I try a bite.

So on we go, to see what we shall see.

And to round the whole post out, of course.

I won't back down.